i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
