you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
True college students do jello shots in the library
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