Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
