dude i'm inner monologue high
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
