Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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