I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
