home. puking in laundry basket.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
