I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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