Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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