i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
