We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So much rum. So many feels.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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