you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
