8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
