I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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