Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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