she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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