Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
