The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
