Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
