living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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