The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
