mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
