Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
