As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
