At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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