We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
