haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
