I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
tell me about the eggs
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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