hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize