I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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