Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
