what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Who died my cat blue again?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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