is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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