You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
