Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
