I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have fence marks all over my body
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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