her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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