she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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