It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
