After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
