She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
