I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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