And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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