They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
