I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
