Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize