Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
