In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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