tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
