I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
