Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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