They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize