So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
