Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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