bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
