Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
