Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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