I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
