So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
