Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
