i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
