apparently the secret to your success is patron
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
