He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
