I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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