On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
