Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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