my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
