I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She said her name was "party"
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize