Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
