is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
