Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
