it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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