I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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