mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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