1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
