no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
