I faked an abortion last night.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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