He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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