you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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