Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i think my cat just said my name.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
