TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She swung at the pinata with crutches
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
