WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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