oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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